It’s good to vent! That’s one of the main reasons why I write stuff, actually. Like most of the world, I’ve been driven completely crazy by the COVID-19 crisis. All other humans in the physical world are potential virus vectors to be avoided. It’s a freaking terrifying time as we watch death counts soar and hunker down helplessly as all our freedoms are taken away for the greater good of humanity.
And so, this “Crazed Corona Chatter” series of articles will be my way to just unload about it when I feel I need to. Sadly, I don’t think this depressing chaos will go away anytime soon.
Feel free to vent in the comments section too. I’m listening and here for ya! We got this.
I have successfully dodged all information from the world’s frenzied media outlets for the past week. I just… can’t anymore. Being constantly assaulted with depressing news is absolutely destroying my mental health. I feel like I’ve lost all my life skillz progress and wore out all the new coping tools my therapist gave me after our last session in February. I REFUSE to devolve into that miserable, angry, heartbroken, self-destructive mess I was again, dammit!
Sometimes detaching from the sources of your pain is the only thing you can do to save yourself.
I can’t change a goddamn thing or help everyone, and that kills me on a level I can’t quite describe. All I can do is watch helplessly as the death counts soar, politicians show us how stupid they truly are, and innocent people suffer. Why make my remaining time on this space rock an anxious plunge into a state of utter depression?
I can’t wave a wand to banish the virus, punch the world’s idiot leaders in the face, and resurrect all the people who didn’t deserve to die, as much as I really, really freaking wish I could. I can, however, spread the little good vibes I’m able to whenever possible, and that’s helping me cope immensely with the dark emotions I’m struggling with at the moment. When I’m able to do something nice for any good human, it brings me a level of joy I can’t quite describe. I truly enjoy helping people, I want nothing in return, and I’m going to embrace that.
Sadly, humanity’s primitive survival mode instincts have taken over A LOT of people’s brains lately. From hoarding toilet paper to just being generally more asshole-ish than usual, this virus seems to have brought out the worst in us.
Case in point, my trip to the grocery store last Thursday. It was packed due to the Easter weekend panic-buying chocolate rush, and I had to wait for over an hour in socially distanced line outside. I was pretty close to the back of the line when I witnessed a rather rage-inducing scene that lowered my already-pretty-low ‘Faith in Humanity’ level.
An innocent old lady, with a cane who could barely walk, had parked in a handicap spot near the front of the store ( I assume) and was slowly shambling her way to very back of the line (which was out to the street at this point). Not a single goddamn one of the able-bodied younger people at the front of this colossal line cared about her, AT ALL. Every one of them simply side-eyed her as she painfully inched her way by them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??
Is your Easter shopping crap so important that you can’t wait an extra 5 minutes in a damn line on a nice day and let a poor fragile old lady cut ahead of you to spare her unnecessary pain, and maybe even save her from more potential exposure to a virus that could very likely kill her? The sense of entitlement and selfishness people have these days is just so fucking unreal. It really pisses me off beyond all the swear words I can think of at the moment. Selfish fuckers…
So I watched helplessly as this old lady kept getting closer, ignored by all. She made it all the way to the woman who was directly in front of me in this line. Finally! A person who knows what being a decent person is all about. The look of anguished relief on that old lady’s face when she realized someone did actually care about her… just… broke my heart in several places.
As I always do when my oversensitive feelz are hurting me quite badly, I unleashed my sarcasm. I loudly blurted out to her “Jeez. I’m surprised you made it this far back”, and like a true Canadian, continued to passive-aggressively call out the idiots at the front of the line for being jerks. They ignored me.
But the old lady and the kind woman both laughed at my remarks, and I suddenly felt much better. At the very least, I was able to make that innocent old lady smile for a minute.
I sadly watched her legs shaking as the line slowly moved forward. As much as I wish I could’ve offered her some support, I couldn’t cross that 4 meter invisible barrier between us for fear of potentially infecting her with that damn virus. I got even more angry when the security guard on a power trip at the store entrance belittled her even further and treated her like nothing.
I held my burning tongue, got my damn chocolate, and walked the hell home to my Apartment of Solitude, far away from the scourge of this planet known as trash humanity.
It’s really, really hard being an INFJ in today’s society, lemme tell ya. I just door-slammed mainstream media this week, and I’m very close to door-slamming the entire human race in general to preserve what’s left my precious sanity.
So please, jerks… turn off the little caveman part of your brains that’s screaming “Danger!! Do stupid stuff!!” and making you even more selfish than usual. Take a step back from yourselves, look at the bigger picture, and do something to help someone who needs it. You can do it! We are all in this battle together. Stop being such a jackass, stay the hell home, and wash your damn hands.
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