There’s More to Life Than Having Sex

Triggered!! Ahem. This article has been inspired by the always awesome Kim of Later Levels and her superb post from 2019 criticizing a study that blamed video games for the reason why people aren’t having as much of that glorious sex thing. Nowadays you can blame the pandemic for that (ha!) but the root cause of my triggering remains the same in today’s coronavirus infested world.

Finding out about this “study” (I use the word loosely since it implies something professional happened. It did not.) triggered me for several reasons. Kim did a great job critiquing the reasons why the data from the study is flawed (seriously, check out her post). I’m going to concentrate on ranting about the thing that irked me the most about this whole thing: the fact that this study was even done at all.

My first reaction was heavy sarcasm. Oh noes!! What’s wrong with the world? Emergency! These poor people who don’t have sex are living such sad, unhealthy lives. And ZOMG, all 7 billion+ of us are in immediate danger of going extinct (no one uses birth control when they have heterosexual sex, right?). How ever will this poor planet cope without humans? Bah!

First off, I’m a demiromantic asexual and proud of it, baby. Humans who do not enjoy sex do exist, we are valid, and I take serious offense whenever I see stupid shit shaming people for not being sexually active. Few things piss me off like a virgin joke can, lemme tell you.

So yeah, I guess you can call me one of those poor ugly losers who doesn’t have or enjoy sex in any form. Yes. I’ve forced myself to try heterosexual activities with men a few times in my young adult life and I absolutely hated every one of the very few seconds I tried anything with them. I’ve never had any desire whatsoever to try anything sexual with women or by myself, either.

The world seems to run on sex, eh? Media, advertising… it sells and it’s everywhere. Until I learned what asexuality was I spent most of my life wondering what the hell was wrong with me for not wanting to see or be a part of any of it. That’s why I forced myself to try those things with men that I didn’t really want to do. What’s actually wrong with me? Nothing.

That’s why this study upset me so much. It implies it’s unhealthy and wrong to not have sex. It’s not. If you do not enjoy sex and are okay with it not being in your life, power to you!

I’ve recently completed a year of Dialectical Behavior Therapy to address my depression and anxiety issues with a trained professional psychotherapist, and she confirmed there is nothing wrong with me for having no sex drive. I even taught her a few things about asexuality during our sessions, which was both cool and shows the lack of asexual awareness there is out there.

My overall point is that society needs to stop forcing sex on people and realize it’s not needed in every human’s life. That pressure creates a lot of problems and incites a lot of bad things, up to and including rape.

I am in NO WAY shaming anyone who loves having sex, expressing their sexuality, or trying to steal the spotlight away from homosexual acceptance at all. I am an asexual and an ally. I fully support every adult’s right to consensually do the love thing however they want to. Seeing outright homophobia pisses me off much more than any virgin joke ever could, for the record.

All I ask is that you respect the fact that sex isn’t for me, I’m not alone there, and if you try to shame me or anyone else for lack of having sex, we’re gonna have a problem.

Love my new bumper sticker! Proud to sarcastically represent the ace community in my city.

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16 thoughts on “There’s More to Life Than Having Sex

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  1. Trying to make out that not having sex or wanting to is somehow the fault of games and that it’s wrong or weird to not have sex or want to is so insulting they’re an absolute bunch of wankspaniels whoever did that “study”

    Oh and great bumper sticker by the way 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That bumper sticker is amazing. What grinds my gears about this is much like you—WHO CARES WHAT THE HELL PEOPLE DO IN THE BEDROOM?! We have such double-standards in our society! For such a puritanically-focused consciousness (at least in the USA), we sure do like to talk about sex, other people having it, and ousting those who do it as a job.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m a little ashamed to admit that until very recently I didn’t even know being asexual was a thing. I was introduced to the concept by the Netflix show BoJack Horseman. One of the main characters, Todd, is an ace and until the show introduced that I was entirely ignorant to it. Over several seasons he learns about his own asexuality and eventually embraces it. It’s a really powerful character arc. Were it not for my exposure to BoJack I’d still be in the dark. So I’d tend to agree with it always being a good thing for more people to learn that being asexual is a thing, especially if someone is and doesn’t know that it is a normal state of being.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey. No shame! I didn’t know what asexuality was until 2018 and I am one, haha. The lack of information out there is unreal. And I love Todd!! I related to how he feels so freaking much. I am grateful BoJack aced sexual representation 😀

      Thanks for your understanding and support!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Great post. I have to agree with Chestnut, though. Why is this even an issue? Once you remove the sub-groups whose tastes directly and non-consensually impinge on others from the discussion… why does there even need to be a discussion? Who actually needs to know what someone else’s preferences are? If someone wants to tell people or talk about it, that’s great. If they want to keep it to themselves, that’s great too.

    I do think it’s generally a good thing to be interested in how others feel about stuff like this because being interested in other people and their tastes and preferences generally indicates something positive, but only if it’s going to lead to greater understanding and empathy. If it’s just a way to label people and put them in categories, that’s likely to lead to bad outcomes.

    Also, I really want to watch Bojack Horseman. It’s about time I got a Netflix subscription, I think.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and for the supportive words! 😁 And you and Chestnut are so right. Society needs to stop being obsessed with this stuff.

      Civil discussion about this stuff is absolutely important I think! There are so many ways of being and it’s neat to learn about how everyone feels. The key to acceptance is understanding each other.

      And yes!! I loved BoJack not only for acing asexual representation, but for tackling a lot of pretty heavy topics.

      Like

  5. It’s of overwhelming importance for some people (often geezers), but it’s nothing to worry about I’ve realised of late. But it’s annoying how obsessed society is with it all. Shock horror, some people like being single. Amazing it causes others to have a total meltdown in response, like it’s an assault on their life choices.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Relationships just aren’t for everyone, and I seriously wish society would just let people be true to themselves, eh? My choices should NOT be interpreted as a threat to anyone who chooses to live their lives differently. Humans are weird….

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Some people care about nothing but sex and it boggles my mind. I can live without it but I won’t consider myself asexual. My job and hobbies and friendships are enough thank you. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know!! The hellish relationships people I see people trapped in purely for sexual reasons blows my mind, haha. Labels don’t really matter unless you feel the represent you, eh. Keep being awesome!

      Liked by 1 person

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