Triggered!! Ahem. This article has been inspired by the always awesome Kim of Later Levels and her superb post from 2019 criticizing a study that blamed video games for the reason why people aren’t having as much of that glorious sex thing. Nowadays you can blame the pandemic for that (ha!) but the root cause of my triggering remains the same in today’s coronavirus infested world.
Finding out about this “study” (I use the word loosely since it implies something professional happened. It did not.) triggered me for several reasons. Kim did a great job critiquing the reasons why the data from the study is flawed (seriously, check out her post). I’m going to concentrate on ranting about the thing that irked me the most about this whole thing: the fact that this study was even done at all.
My first reaction was heavy sarcasm. Oh noes!! What’s wrong with the world? Emergency! These poor people who don’t have sex are living such sad, unhealthy lives. And ZOMG, all 7 billion+ of us are in immediate danger of going extinct (no one uses birth control when they have heterosexual sex, right?). How ever will this poor planet cope without humans? Bah!
First off, I’m a demiromantic asexual and proud of it, baby. Humans who do not enjoy sex do exist, we are valid, and I take serious offense whenever I see stupid shit shaming people for not being sexually active. Few things piss me off like a virgin joke can, lemme tell you.
So yeah, I guess you can call me one of those poor ugly losers who doesn’t have or enjoy sex in any form. Yes. I’ve forced myself to try heterosexual activities with men a few times in my young adult life and I absolutely hated every one of the very few seconds I tried anything with them. I’ve never had any desire whatsoever to try anything sexual with women or by myself, either.
The world seems to run on sex, eh? Media, advertising… it sells and it’s everywhere. Until I learned what asexuality was I spent most of my life wondering what the hell was wrong with me for not wanting to see or be a part of any of it. That’s why I forced myself to try those things with men that I didn’t really want to do. What’s actually wrong with me? Nothing.
That’s why this study upset me so much. It implies it’s unhealthy and wrong to not have sex. It’s not. If you do not enjoy sex and are okay with it not being in your life, power to you!
I’ve recently completed a year of Dialectical Behavior Therapy to address my depression and anxiety issues with a trained professional psychotherapist, and she confirmed there is nothing wrong with me for having no sex drive. I even taught her a few things about asexuality during our sessions, which was both cool and shows the lack of asexual awareness there is out there.
My overall point is that society needs to stop forcing sex on people and realize it’s not needed in every human’s life. That pressure creates a lot of problems and incites a lot of bad things, up to and including rape.
I am in NO WAY shaming anyone who loves having sex, expressing their sexuality, or trying to steal the spotlight away from homosexual acceptance at all. I am an asexual and an ally. I fully support every adult’s right to consensually do the love thing however they want to. Seeing outright homophobia pisses me off much more than any virgin joke ever could, for the record.
All I ask is that you respect the fact that sex isn’t for me, I’m not alone there, and if you try to shame me or anyone else for lack of having sex, we’re gonna have a problem.
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