Troubling Tomahawk From Grand Theft Auto V

Mwahahaha!! My crazed criminal alter ego Genni and I had lots of fun together this past Sunday night/Monday morning. Yep. I was a sleepless wreck for work from home yesterday (rolling out of bed 5 minutes before my shift FTW), but dammit, it was worth it.

Genni and I hadn’t really spent a lot of time together before that. Let’s see… I wasted a bunch of the starter money on tattoos, cars, and properties after she was created. Oh! And she had a blast hanging out with the lovely Later Levels crew plus the dashing Dan of on a live Twitch stream last Wednesday.

Well… she mostly got drunk and died a lot, but it was the best time ever once technology worked! She went up to Rank 2 from all the chaos as a bonus. That was also my first time “on-air gaming” and it was pretty freaking cool, and only a tiny bit terrifying. Shout-out again to Later Levels for the invite!

I did learn that Genni needs to be a lot less of a noob, however. When I first started GTA Online, I was pretty much assaulted with a bunch of information and random job calls, not knowing what the hell was happening or what to do first. It was nice to take that time on Sunday to read through everything and set out on earning those sweet Rank Points (RP).

First off, I got my badass pink car jacked by some random elitist scrubs, which sucked. I panic pulled the cord on my router to get it back in a new session, but Dan informed me there’s this thing called car insurance in the game so I didn’t really have to worry about my ride. Good to know!

After that was sorted out, I solo ran a few missions on easy to get a feel for things, learned that the wheel in the Diamond Casino can be spun once daily for rewards including RP, used the $500 suicide option because my character got stuck, punched a lot of people to get my strength stat up, and bought a bunker to start my criminal empire in. The highlight of my time was completing Maude’s bounty missions.

Maude kept annoying me every time I logged in so I decided to just do the activity she was pushing. Basically, she sends you out to collect a total of 5 bail jumpers to bring back to her trailer. Ideally, bringing them back alive gets you more money, but some of them were quite far away and bullets saved me the trip at the cost of half the reward money (as Maude heartlessly pointed out the two times I did that, no one is going to miss them anyway).

After I completed the deed, Maude gave me the location of a cache at the base of a lighthouse that contained this ancient Stone Hatchet melee weapon. It was such a cool cutscene, too! Genni opened the box and brandished the weapon psychotically as a beautiful oceanic sunrise was forming behind her.

Apparently, the Stone Hatchet is part of a crossover event with Red Dead Redemption II (never played it) that was added to GTA Online a while ago. It grants Genni the Rampage Mode ability when she uses it, and there’s even an atrocious challenge tied to it! If you kill 25 people with it (players and innocent NPCs included) you get $250,000 cash.

Yes… I did the challenge by using a bunch of innocent NPCs. Their sacrifice will never be forgotten.

All in all, it was a fun solo time with Genni! She got up to Rank 8 and is much less of a noob now. I still have a lot to learn, though.

Considering she already has a massive gun called “The Widowmaker” at her disposal, I don’t think adding the Stone Hatchet to Genni’s arsenal makes her any more or less dangerous overall.

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