What Will Always Be Lost

This article is brought to you by the twelfth Blaugust 2020 Promptapalooza topic presented by the awesome blogger SDWeasel over at Unidentified Signal Source: What’s something you’ve lost along the way that you would love to have back?

Loss is an unfortunate part of our lives, as much as I wish it freaking wasn’t. As we age we lose everything from frivolous material possessions to loved ones. And heck, we even lose the very essence of who we once were as time marches on. It’s crazy to think about how much our minds change as we are exposed to different events.

Whenever I think about loss, my brain goes directly to a nuked friendship I know I will always be in mourning over. I wrote about this specific relationship loss in detail here recently, actually.

Ex-BFFs: A Coping Guide From Painful XP is the most important and helpful-to-me article I’ve ever written anywhere. It holds me and my issues accountable for my side of what happened to destroy that friendship.

I also received a lot of positive feedback from valued readers who had similar stories, support to offer, and even some great advice to share. Knowing I wasn’t alone with all this meant the absolute world to me. That’s the true power of blogging right there!

I find myself rereading that article I wrote quite often. It reminds me I’m not that person anymore, I will never make those mistakes again, I learned a ton of life lessons from this loss, and that I have to be happy being me above all else. It’s true. No one else but you can save you from… you.

It’s been well over a year since that bridge was officially nuked and I think I’ve finally reached the acceptance stage of this whole thing. The emotional pain is still there, as I’m sure it will always be in some form, but it’s more of a dull chronic ache I can manage now, no longer the tsunami of anger and sadness I was failing hard to contain properly.

“We never truly get over a loss, but we can move forward and evolve from it.”

Elizabeth Berrien

It’s all so frustrating to me because I keep thinking if I was the person I am now back then, I would probably still be good friends with my ex-BFF. I wouldn’t have done the stupid things that led to friendship destruction, but I also wouldn’t be who I am today if those mistakes weren’t made, right? Gah! Learning is hard and really does come at a great cost.

My ex-BFF has made it painfully clear they don’t wish to be friends with me again or even acknowledge my existence. Understandable and I respect that given everything that happened, but a part of me will always wish I could do something to build a new friendship with them.

Sadly, if my ex-BFF doesn’t want to repair that bridge with me, I might as well be throwing planks directly into a bottomless chasm. Sorry, brain… there’s really nothing we can do to fix anything. Keep hoping for that miracle if it makes you feel any better, but reality rarely has fairytale endings.

If you truly love someone, you can let them go to make their own choices. It’s hard, but you can’t make someone love you. The more you push and hang on the further they run and resent you. Be brave and let go and just maybe they may return when they’re ready. That’s true love!

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I love my ex-BFF more than anyone else I’ve ever met and I want to do everything in my power to make them happy. For now and most likely forever, the only thing I can do for them is respect their wishes, let go of them, and stay out of their way.

If they ever want to repair that friendship with me, I know my door is always open and that gives me comfort. If they don’t, I know I’m going to be perfectly fine without them in my life. I have so many other friendships I am grateful for and will never take for granted.

If I keep focusing on what I’ve lost, I’m never going to see all of the wonderful things I’ve found.


This post is proudly part of the Blaugust Promptapalooza 2020 blogging community event created by the badass Belghast!


Do you like our content and want to support Ace Asunder? Check out how you can do that here! (Shocking Spoiler: It doesn’t involve giving us money for writing this.)

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